In the beginning, it hurt terribly. It was the kind of hurt that left me crying till I fell asleep at 3 am, eyes puffy and swollen and a blocked nose. The heartbreak that followed me everywhere-reminds me of the memories I had once shared as I passed by a particular place. The pain left me thinking if I ever meant anything to him. Trying to sleep, not leaving the room for days, I never could feel so much pain, and yet be in love with the person causing it.
After a few days, it hurt less, as i continued living in my room for days doing nothing but overthinking about what he said on repeat just like a song. To distract myself, I started listening to songs and used social media a lot. The breakup news spread on social media. I started getting a lot of hate for something I had not done. Then I had to stop using media for quite some time.
Due to all this pressure, hostility, and pain, I started dreaming not only at night but also during the days about the happy times. Before all the discomfort he caused to me, the places we visited together, the trips we had with friends, the concerts we went to, everything was so beautiful that it felt so real and alive.
Daydreaming finally gave me happiness, the confidence to stand up in the crowd. I used to spend all my precious time imagining things that were not real. Soon I became so addicted to it. I could not complete my daily tasks.
I knew I had to face reality someday, but I never thought that day would come so early. Now the real challenge was to face the reality of life, as no one lives in their dreams forever. Knowing that it takes two hands to clap, I learned that not everyone I meet has to stay in my life forever. Sometimes, they're a passing character in a chapter of my book, to teach me a lesson, to help me experience betrayal, different things in life- emotions, to grow, and to show how to love myself. Find my worth.
Some of these characters will be difficult to replace when the time has come to an end chapter in life. But, it was essential for me to learn and to see the necessity to let him go, even if I don't want to.
Heartbreak was inevitable, especially with the person I loved the most. But the only thing I have learned is not to have expectations. I can't expect him to love me back the same way as I did, with the same amount of intensity, and that's the sad truth that we hate to admit .
The hardest part of losing is not goodbye, it is learning to live without them. And what fuels the hurt is when you see them able to move on without you. But can I blame them? Honestly, I can't. My mommy always said, "Everything happens for a reason, people change so that you can learn to let go." But what if I don't want to let go? Will I be happy with someone who does not share the same happiness as I do? That bothered me a lot, honestly. One thing people crave is being loved and valued. But when it's over to fill that void, some do drugs, others go for a run, but at the end, we're all just searching for that tiny little space, perhaps a hole that shelters us from the terrible reality of the world.
Knowing all this helped me get back on my feet, but now much stronger than before, and more aware. Aware of how love can be so fragile and pure, yet it has the power to break, shatter, and destroy.
Author ~ Eshani Editor ~ Sanya Chadha