An Unlikely Pairing

Updated: Jun 30, 2021

"If you want me," said the hero, "Come and get me."

The villain paused, "Want you, in what way, darling? Don’t get me wrong, both involve ropes, but it’s an important distinction we need to make before we proceed."

"Jest, will you stop goofing around? Dad was so right, dating villains is always a pain in the wrong place" the hero snapped back.

"Oh don’t get me started Xavier and god your da-" started Jest.

"Um excuse me, I am the main villain here and you two are hooked up to a power extractor which I want to turn on every passing second that you two talk." spoke a rather annoyed voice, fixing the wires behind them.

"Shut up" scolded Xavier.

"Who are you anyway?" added Jest.

"I’m a psychopath making a difference you see, now this is usually the part where I would tell you my scheme, but that will just be dumb." flexed the Villain, his voice echoing.

"Ahh, you're Dr. Doofermizer" recalled Jest.

"HA, you remember his name but not our anniversary!" Xavier muttered under his breath.

"Mr. Xavier Super, I did not forget our anniversary! It was part of the surprise." replied Jest. "Hey, why don’t you two calm down and talk about this rationally?" interjected Doofermizer. "Oh wow what are you now, a couple’s therapist?" said Jest,his voice dripping with sarcasm.

"Um actually, my parents, they forced me to-" started Doofermizer as he walked towards the other side.

"Oh my god, you want to hear the backstory of the person who wants to extract our powers but not when I talk about combat plans! I am sorry that you had to wait a little longer in the car and we got kidnapped because I suck at directions. You know I thought you, out of all the people would understand me" interjected Xavier in the heat of the moment.

"Xavier, we have been together since college, that’s more than 5 years! Are you even serious about us? Your father popped the question to your mother within a year and here you haven’t even told me properly about your family! Am I that bad of a soul, for stealing from the rich just to serve the poor? That unwanted? I know we aren’t a regular couple, but have I ever treated you wrongly? I just want to know if you are serious about us, is asking questions that bad?" Jest said in a low tone, not trusting his voice, as something broke inside him, bit by bit.

"Ahh, underlying abandonment and trust issues, how cliche for a villain," Doofermizer thought out loud as he dusted off his pants, “Okay now you two cringey dimwits, it's extraction time. Inkie pinkie ponkie, I go ahead with this fine donkey" continued Doofermizer as he pointed towards Xavier and then eagerly rubbed his hands together.

Before Doofermizer could hit the button, he was tackled to the ground by Jest.

"No one messes with my man" yelled Jest while pouring the nearby chemicals on the button (as if it were a battle cry).

"Are you serious? Now I need to rebuild my evil lair" groaned Doofermizer as he hit Jest with his heavy ‘How to fix Exactors 101’ book. “Holy shit I actually punched them. I did it, I did it" cheered Doofermizer while he did his victory dance. His weird dance moves were short-lived

(thank the gods, they were horrifying). Jest had tied Doofermizer’s shoelaces earlier, causing ‘the evil mastermind’ to fall and trip (both literally and metaphorically).

Suddenly Jest heard the voice of gears moving, he turned to see a melted malfunctioning keyboard and a laser point approaching Xavier. Without thinking twice, Jest pushed Xavier out of the seat. Forgetting everything else apart from the man he loved he left no time for his own escape.

Xavier immediately rushed to Jest.

"Don’t you dare die on my watch, I will personally come and kill you in hell. Jest, I was scared, I still am. I have been raised to be this perfect kid, with no flaws. Little do people notice, I am exhausted. Even I want to break loose and not be judged. I am sorry, opening up is scary for me but I’ll try, I’ll try for you. Wake up dummy I still have to-"

"KISS HIM YOU FOOL. People these days talk too much’’ mumbled Doofermizer against the floor as he tried (and miserably failed) to get up from the floor.

Well who was Xavier to not try everything that might work, I mean this worked in Disney movies, who needs an ambulance or a call for help? Xavier kissed Jest like he wanted to be kissed, like no one had ever kissed him, soft and moist and hot and breathy, not trying to win a battle but seeking union and closeness and the sharing of one breath, one sensation, one timeless and passionate moment.

Suddenly he heard laughter!

"Real mature Jeffords," said Xavier as soon as he realised what actually happened, pulling away from his significant other (more like annoyance).

"Oh look, the magical kiss worked. Hun, I think you forgot I always wear a laser-proof vest. By the way after your confession, I thought you’d call me the love of your life and put a ring on my finger, not yell at me" said Jest as he pretended to sound hurt.

"Pfftt that wasn’t just a confession" muttered a flustered Xavier.

"Oh, so a proposal? I accept it! You are paying for tonight’s celebration date" Jest stated rather smugly.

"I call dibs on being the best man," said Doofermizer as he finally got up. They both chose to ignore him.

"You cunning brat, fine, but as long as I get your hoodie. And you know that I love you." bargained Xavier.

"Ew too sweet. Also, the deal is sealed. You are entitled to all my hoodies as long as I get your heart in return." winked Jest as he grabbed his ‘enemy's hand' which he intended to never let go of.

"I kinda agree with Doofermizer, we are cringey. Also, you meant the ‘get my heart’ part as metaphorical, right? I can’t understand villain slang Jest!" said Xavier as he held on to Jest’s hand while trying to hide the ring as best as possible. So much for a romantic day.

Author: Anubhi Srivastava

Editor: Krisha Raut

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