Bitter Deceit


2020. The start of a new decade. We counted down the seconds eagerly, brimming with hope, excitement, ideas and ambitions galore. It was going to be THE year, our year, the year that marked a milestone in all our lives.


What absolute idiots we were, with those naïve dreams and fancy goals.


It was supposed to be my new beginning too, just like it would’ve been for a lot of you. Finally, my chance to redefine myself, break out of my shell, my cocoon, prove to both myself and the world that I had so much more to offer that they didn’t even have an inkling of.


It was my chance to redo my entire wardrobe, push myself out of my comfort zone, not once but on numerous occasions, become an even bolder, more unapologetic version of myself.


It was my first year of college- the opportunity to reinvent myself to a whole group of people who didn’t know me at all. Instead, now, when we finally do go back to actual college, everyone’s going to arrive with a multitude of preconceived notions. I dreamed of Fresher’s, college trips, bunking classes, discovering the best hidden food joints. Instead, I sat in front of a screen for six hours a day, cheating through my quizzes and scrolling through Instagram, complaining about deadlines to friends I’d struggled to make online.


It was meant to be a plethora of new beginnings- first day of college, first bunk, first flunked assignment, first college party, first taste of freedom.


I wanted, so desperately, another chance to show the world who I am. Break the 101 assumptions people had of me based on what they’d seen. Not that I’d blame them, I’d given them no reason to believe otherwise. I was so tired of being good. This was my one chance- my golden ticket to making a thousand memories as I messed up- not once but again and again, to make rash decisions, to be a rebellious, bratty nightmare, to just stop thinking so much, to live without regrets, to stop worrying about everyone’s expectations and start living up to my own.


You might say I can still do that- but you have to understand how frustrating it is to be pushed back into your usual mould, shackled to your responsible personality, just when you were finally ready to risk it all.


Maybe you were expecting this to end with a painfully sweet silver lining, a “but the one thing we will never run out of is new beginnings’, but I’m sorry to disappoint, 2020 left nothing but a bitter taste in everyone’s mouth. I’m just here to rejoice it’s over. Despite the cynicism, the bitter deceit by 2020, I can’t help but wonder, maybe post this, we might have an actual new beginning after all.


Author: Ananya Chaure Editor: Shreya P

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