i guess that you could say that i'm colorblind.

oh - probably not what you're thinking though!

it's not that i can't see colors.

it's just that i don't want to.

my entire life, i was always scared.

scared of being abandoned.

scared of being lead on.

scared of seeing ... color.

i liked talking to other people.

i liked learning about other people.

i liked understanding other people.

but despite all that, my vision seemed gray.

there wasn't any color.

people say that you can see color that represents your different emotions.

and sometimes, if you get close to someone, they can bring out colors that you've never seen before.

i wanted to believe that.

but i don't want to end up like my parents.

their lives seem as gray as mine.

maybe once colorful, but then turned gray.

i'm scared of seeing colors.

what if one day, the person that makes me able to see these colors, leaves too?

what will i do then?

it seems a lot more painful to deal with that.

and as they say, can't miss what you've never had.

and so, i sped through my life, not seeing color.

and soon enough, i became an adult.

an adult with a boring job, boring life, and boring personality.

at least, that's what my co-workers say.

i don't know what they mean though.

it's been years since i've started working at this location.

it's ... strange.

i feel like every day is the same.

i wake up, go to work, come home to an empty house, sleep, and repeat.

since when did life feel so ... dull?

i must be getting tired, that's all.

i should get some sleep.

but even so, life continued to be as boring and bland as ever.

i had no real friends, no lover, and i rarely ever see my family anymore.

why did i feel so lonely?

i was fine before.

i'm scared of seeing colors.

i've said that many times before.

heck, i think i'm still afraid, even now.

but what hurts more - what makes this reality even more painful, is the feeling of being alone.

but what could i do now?

i'm alone.

i've spent my entire life alone.

there was nothing i could do either way.

but one day,

in my workplace,

we had a new employee.

and the moment i made eye contact with them

i was blinded by color.

Author: Taylor

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