Dear Self

Dear self,

I wish apologising came to me as easily as I'd like it to. And I wish I had the courage to apologise to you earlier. I realize now that I kept you waiting for too long, and this is the least I can do to thank you for all that you've done for me.

I am sorry; I really, really am. I am sorry for abandoning you when you needed me the most, for invalidating your experiences and suppressing your emotions, for looking at your scars with the intention to belittle you.

I'm sorry for using other people's opinions as a yardstick to measure your self worth. I'm sorry for all the times I was unreasonably hard on you, for when I guilt tripped you for eating that extra slice of chocolate cake and sleeping in all day, when all you really asked for was a little break. I'm sorry for saying yes when you wanted to say no, for making you feel worthless over little failures and telling you that your dreams were beyond your reach. I am sorry I made you believe you're hard to love. You're not, I promise.

The irony is, If I found you in another person, perhaps a lover, I would honour you today, and forever. I'd thank my lucky stars for you. I'd hug you, and tell you how proud I am of all the silent battles you have overcome. I'd be inspired by your resilience and your ability to love and care for others so selflessly.

I realize I haven't loved you right. But I don't want to give up on you just yet, because you never gave up on me and did everything that you could to keep me alive on the days I thought I wouldn't be able to make it. So thank you, for simply being you. I want to remind you that you are exactly who you're supposed to be, and if the universe didn't need you, you wouldn't be here. Thank you for counting on me and having faith that I would return to you, for I have, and this time I'm here to stay.

With love,

From me, to me.

Author: Yashika Sukhija

Editor: Khushi Bansal

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