“Please, just let me. Please!” he pleaded, tears streaming down his face.
“And why should I listen to what you have to say?” she replied in more sadness than anger, with her own set of tears streaming down.
“Because you and I both need this, more than we realize. For that to happen, I need to come clean. So please. Just listen.”
She chose to stay silent as an answer for him to continue.
Vanessa and Alex had been dating for 4 years now. Everything was better than it could be but it was as if the world could not tolerate two people so in love. It began 4 months ago. Being distant, not talking as much, spending less time together, and even though these were signs of what was to come, Vanessa blamed it on the pressure of academics and sports. She kept turning a blind eye just in the hope that things would go back to what they were if she just held on. But a cracked glass can only hold so much water before it breaks. And this was their breaking point.
She had had enough. And now she wanted answers.
“It happened 4 months ago.” He began. “She was the new assistant manager at the club and I just liked her. She was so pretty and so kind and whenever I talked to her, there was this guilt eating me because my intentions towards her were more than just friends, but I still wanted to be with her. She gives me the butterflies I got from being with you Ness. And I don’t get them from you anymore. I don’t know how this happened. I think,” he drew a sharp breath before continuing, “I think I just fell out of love; you know?”
Vanessa somewhere deep inside of herself knew that the last 4 months were not just because of school. She knew this and still pretended that everything was fine. Maybe it was to delay the inevitable or to convince her heart that the Alex she loves so much is better than the one that once loved her too.
“I think I understand the part where you fell out of love.” she said, forcing out a chuckle from her dry throat. “No, who am I kidding? I don’t understand how you just fell out of love Alex, but I am a miniscule amount of happy that you found someone that makes you feel the way I did. I’m happy for that. But what I don’t get is, why hide? Why delay something that is going to hurt me the same if not more with each passing day? You, you could’ve jus-just, I don’t know, have told me that this was it and we could have gone along our own ways!”
“I-” Alex began but was cut off by Vanessa.
“I’m not done yet. So, listen. These past 4 months have been very taxing on me. Mentally, physically and emotionally. Alex, I needed you and you were out with her because you fell out of love. I don’t want to blame you. But I can’t help but do just that. Let’s… Let’s break up. You carry on with your life and I will with mine.” Vanessa concluded, drawing in a deep breath.
“I’m sor-” Alex began once again but was cut off yet again.
“Don’t. Just don’t. Don’t apologize. I am not in a state to forgive you at the moment. I will. Just not now.” She cried out.
“Vanessa, you were the most beautiful thing that happened to me and you deserve someone better. Someone who holds you when you’re alone and someone who will not leave your side like I did. I will ask for forgiveness though I hope you don’t forgive me so that I am able to repent properly. You are beautiful and don’t let anyone tell you otherwise. Goodbye Ness.”
Alex hugged her one last time and left their shared apartment with a little lighter heart. Once he left, she broke down once again. Her head and throat hurt a lot and she wished for it to stop. And amongst all the plethora of emotions she felt, relief was the biggest. Bigger than grief too.
Maybe this was supposed to happen. Alex was not for her as she was not for him. She believed, somewhere out there, maybe there was another soul made for her, waiting, patiently. But these thoughts were not enough for her to forget the last absolutely astounding 4 years of her life. So, she continued to cry until she could no more and eventually, when her body caught up with the exhaustion, she surrendered to sleep.
Author: Vasundhara Khare
editor : Zoyah Virani