Trigger Warning: Mention of Suicide, Self-Harm, and Depression
I want to talk, breathe, and honestly, just live. And like you had shown, I really wish for that. Enjoying my life. But you didn't tell me what to do if there is nothing to enjoy. What if I wasn't being low, or pessimist about my life due to my choice, but due to it being my only route? You talked a ton about expectations, about dreams and aspirations, and their monotony that kills hundreds of pawns. You somehow convinced people around you not to make expectations their only truth. Somehow.
How will I? How will I convince people who watched you just for the actor retelling you. I'm not as good as the one playing you, nor people around me are that eager to listen. I'm tired. Alright. I'm tired. You have heard about tons of reasons for suicide or self harm that they couldn't just bear anything. I'll tell you mine. I don't wanna feel anything now.
I go to sleep thinking that well, this is the nearest I could be. Nearest to death. But dreams haunt me. Yes, the very ones you talked about, saying everyone should have one. They haunt me. I scream, not for help, but because I don't wanna wake up now. Ironically I wanna just be fricking something complete. I wanna despair if I am that something I can feel complete.
I don't trust people. You kept that alive somehow. You were able to go through it and keep it burning somehow. I can't. I like my pills more than my people cause they do what their packet says.
I wish you could see me. I hope you write me back, guide me somehow.
A person dwelling to find their worth.
A person who just needs to look at himself again.
We know how it feels to be plunged into the depths of failure and depression and to be kept there for basically an eternity. Being called “losers” was a prick for us but being called it over and over again was like being subjected to the chinese torture. Yet, here we are. Successful. Blessed with all the wealth in the world. There is no need to make others believe that expectations are not the only truth in this world. Expectations are...expectations. Dreams are dreams and just having them will not make a difference. The fight is what makes them worth it in the end and when you have that dream in your hands, it will make the pain feel like it was worth it.
The things that haunt you are not dreams. Dreams are not supposed to haunt you, they should keep you sleepless in merry anticipation. But hauntings? No, those are not dreams. Those are your fears, the fear of never being enough for the world. Well, the world was made for you, you were not made for the world. If it tries to hurt you, stand back up, dust yourself off and keep moving forward.
That’s all that matters. Moving forward. We had quit, just like you. Yet, here we are. Even after losing our chance to prove to the world that we are worth it, we still came out victorious as probably the best in the world, just because we gave our all. No one was there to give us medals and claim us as heroes. The claps were enough for us.
You have made it this far, there is no point in quitting now, champ. Our hearts are with you always. We, the students of H4, the “idiots, nikammas, losers and good-for-nothings” who came out as diamonds in the rough, believe in you.
Authors: Abhinav B, Aditya I Editor: Anika P