I'll always wait for you….

This topic brings back memories. I'm not entirely sure if they were happy, but they’ve been weighing on me, and what better way to express myself than to write it down?

To understand my story I'll have to take you back a few years, when I was a completely immature brat. Why an immature brat? Because I let my feelings take over and still hoped that it would be me and her in the end.

So our story starts like this - she was this girl in my class that I had always had a crush on. We would flirt back and forth but I kept contemplating whether I should ask her out or not, so one day I just took a chance, not thinking about any consequences, and asked her out on a date. She surprisingly said yes, it was like a dream come true. I felt invincible, like I could do anything or be anyone Iwant. I’m not sure if you get it, but that’s just how I felt.

I planned everything out from my outfit to the place we'd meet and at what time. I was way too excited, and a little scared too-what if she ditches me,what if I come off too strong? It felt like a mini heart attack, but at that moment I remembered a saying my dad used to tell me- "One foot in front of the other.'' I don't know why, but it always calmed me down and reminded me to take things at a certain pace.

Finally ’the day’ had arrived, and there she was, the most beautiful girl I had ever seen. Her hair lightly curled right above her shoulders and her smile, her happy face and twinkling eyes greeted me; and honestly, she was a sight to behold. Me, being the gentleman I am, opened the door and the date I had been looking forward to the most began. Everything was going perfectly, and I don’t know why or how, but I became a totally different person on this date. And honestly, I kind of liked him.

She was literally perfect; she was charming, funny and laughed at all my jokes. I mean what more could a guy want? I honestly didn't want it to end, but sadly it did as it was getting late. We hugged goodbye and parted our ways.

After a few dates I finally brought up the "relationship" topic and quite frankly that freaked her out. She started making all these excuses like, she wasn't ready, and wanted to focus more on her future. And understand that to an extent, but you would think that after a year she would have been more open to the idea of us and commitment?

I can't exactly explain the series of emotions I went through after hearing those words. A little numb I would say, sad that after all this time she felt this way. Angry to an extent, because why lead me on if she knew what she wanted right from the beginning?

Sometimes you hurt people by telling them a 'maybe' instead of a simple no. It was just a jumble of feelings. But I didn't react. I pretended to understand, because honestly, there was nothing I could say or do to change her mind. After all, you can't force someone to like you right?

I was afraid too. But why was I so afraid to lose someone who wasn't even mine in the first place? I know for a fact that we think about each other a little too often to be just friends. And it gets me thinking, what if i never forget you? What if, all my life, I look for someone like you and never find them? I am still torn between holding on to all that you promised; and accepting the reality of you and that our future was just a dream. Maybe we were meant to meet and not to be, or maybe this was all pointless and we were better off as strangers. But then there is me, who will always be waiting for you.

If only I could, I'd say this all to her in person...but it's a little late, and like any other typical romance, she had to move away for college, which I totally understand. But if I'm being honest, I hate myself for not taking my chances earlier. But who knows, maybe fate isn't done with us yet...

Authors: Charu Sabharwal and Daniel Phillips

Editor: Adwita Chaure

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