Marks: Do They Define You?

I've always taken pride in my academic scores. No, I was never a scholar but I wasn't at the last of the list either. I was an average student and I was low-key comfortable with that. I felt that my multiple co-circulars balanced my score and still kept me at par with other people my age.

But that all changed in the 8th standard.

I started scoring better and it was as if I was addicted (in a very toxic way). I pushed myself to get at least 90% in every exam but I was never satisfied. 86, 87, 88; with each increase in my percentile, I saw people treat me better and with more respect. Teachers admired me, more people wanted to be my friend and my parents had a proud smile. There was this environment of power that it gave and I loved every inch of it. From trying to be a better student, I became an overworked and burnt out human juggling too much.

My mental health shattered like glass due to my unreasonable expectations and hopes.

Then, my 10th results came :)

"Thank God, you at least passed",

" Wow, you really must be stupid",

"You are extremely distracted, no wonder why".

What an utter disaster.

I never knew that words could break me as much as they did that day. I had lost every friend, every hobby I loved and every bit of sanity I had for my marks and it felt as if my world had crumbled down. Everyone started looking down on me. I felt confused, lost and out of place.

If I had studied more for myself, then maybe I would have done better, maybe even enjoyed and retained what I learnt better but I was unaware of myself then. I had numbed every feeling out back then to get to a position of scoring 95% in 9th.

So yes, marks don't define you as long as you don't let them and I was a fool to have let that happen.

Author: Anonymous

Editor: Amrita Pillai

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