More than just a year

Author: Debosmita Routh


She was supposed to be graduating this year. All her friends uploaded pictures of farewell parties and class photographs. She saw every single picture uploaded. She smiled, grinned and laughed before bursting into a fit of tears and cries.

It’s been two and a half years now. Two and a half years since she walked into a classroom, two years since she took an examination, two and a half years since she touched a book, two years since she last laughed with her friends, two and a half years since she left her classmates’ WhatsApp group, two and a half years of figuring out why her boyfriend left her, two and a half years of failed suicide attempts, two and a half years of nothing but sadness, two and a half years of cohabiting with a demon, two years since she had accepted the demon, two years of psychiatric consultations, two years since she had been labelled a freak, a psycho.

Well, it’s been two years now. Two years of feeling the pain of the madmen she saw on the roads; two years of understanding the psyche of various murderers; two years of being able to read other people’s minds; two years of nursing her dog during pregnancy and counseling her on miscarriage;

two years since she could talk to the plants, flowers, birds, butterflies, dogs, cats, cows; two years of feeling the story of every monument she visited; two years of analyzing the past 16 years of her life; two years trying to figure out where things went wrong.

Do you think she found an answer? No. She didn’t find any answers. It’s been twelve months since she has stopped looking for answers; a year since she has stopped blaming anyone for anything in her life; a year since she has started reading books, books to please her soul; a year that she has understood that marks hardly mattered in life; a year since she has started writing poetry again; a year since she has laughed either family again; a year since she has started singing loudly despite the fact that she’s a horrible singer; a year since she has felt like a human again.

Well, you might ask, “What happened to her two and a half years ago?”, honestly, does it even matter? She’s happy now, that’s what really matters.

You might think she has forgotten her past. On the contrary, she revisits her past everyday, through words, sights even songs. You will say that she laughs and shrugs it off now. No, it’s not that easy. She does cry, she cries her heart out, but once she’s done, she washes her face and smiles again. She smiles not because it is in the past, but because she has found her real self, even though it was the hard way.

2020. A year that is dreaded by people worldwide. A year of disease, misery and awful events, yet she didn’t scorn over it. 2020, a year that brought happiness, transformation, rather metamorphosis in her.

2020 was not just a year for her, it was a period of reflection, realization and enlightenment.


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