Not just a memory

Updated: Jul 30, 2021

January 11, 2021

Dear Best Friend,

Hey Bebe. I am so sorry to hear about your health and I pray you get better soon. Do get some rest. You rather over work yourself. I know that time has been very unkind to you, but hang in there okay? Things will look up soon. Bebe, I worry for you. You mean so much to me. I cannot even imagine how hard it must have been for you to walk away from the first love of your life. I cannot imagine how confusing the past year has been, not knowing who your true friends are, in a land far from home, trying to be happy but being unable to even smile at times. I cannot even imagine how much you miss Mumma when she is away.

Bebe, I know you have sleepless nights. I know you are absorbed and consumed by your own thoughts. I know that the thoughts of him are sucking the life out of you. I know you see him, or at least look for him, in every person; try to hear his voice in every song, in every person, but he’s not there. Bebe, he never was. I’m really sorry for all that has happened, but you need to take a step back, love. I also know that you have lost all faith in that word and hope to never “fall” again but let me tell you, love is a choice. It is a perspective. It is in your eyes and your mind and all your organs. You see love, you feel it, you hear it. Love isn’t a well which you fall in and come out of. If you “fell in love” you are very likely to come out of it but trust me, when you love, you just love. And I know, you love him. Or maybe you don’t. You love the idea of him, the idea of having him. (Honestly, he’s not even worth it.)

I unfortunately have no advice for you. Love is unpredictable but so is our mind. I just want you to take care of yourself. This experience will only make you stronger. I know it has been a year, but it will be okay. What you need is closure. What you need is for him to tell you that you guys are over instead of through people or social media. You need him to be mature and come up to you, tell it as it is, and mean every single word of it. He needs to stop playing with your mind, your heart, and your life. Ugh, this is exactly why I hate him. If he loves you, he should say it. If he doesn’t, he should behave like he’s 18 and say it. There’s no shame in being honest and that is what his problem is. He gets a thrill out of having the upper hand and seeing you upset and remorseful and mentally tortured. Please see it for what it is Bebe. Don’t let it blind you. You are better than that.

Well, enough of that depressing shit now. I really did get all worked up. Other than addressing the stupid boy who ruined your beautiful smile, I wanted to tell you that I intend on moving to London in a few years’ time. A few years as in 3 years. I’m applying to a college there and I hope to get admission. It will be my dream come true. I was wondering if I could live with you until I sort stuff out. Do ask Mumma and Dada and tell me what they say as soon as you can! It will be so exciting! The two of us together again.

Okay, this letter is pretty long now. I should get going. Please try not to fall asleep as you read this. I know you aren’t much of a reader.

I love you Bebe. Take care okay? Please convey my love to Mumma and Dada and Elison. A big, big hug to you.

Signing off with loads of love and hope that you’ll be better soon.

Yours lovingly, Someone who refuses to turn into a memory.

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