//Of Confessions and Love

Updated: Feb 1

Trigger Warning : Mention of Self Harm, Suicide and Death.

To,

The boy who will always be mine.

It's been a year today.

I've been trying to stay strong, trying not to cry. They say that you're in a better place. Well, why didn't you take me along?

Aunty still hears your voice at times. Uncle hardly comes out of his room. Avani often has nightmares in her sleep. It's been a year since you've gone but we are still in pain. Do you still love me?

------

It's been three years today.

Aunty and Uncle are slowly coming into consciousness. Avani often cries looking at your photos, but she's doing better.

It's been a long while since I've been to college. It's been some time that I've been relying on pills. Self harm doesn't comfort me anymore. I've been contemplating suicide of late but I promise I've been trying to get better.

Do you still love me?

------

It's been six years today.

Aunty and Uncle regret the way you left us but have accepted it as their fate now. Avani is growing up as a beautiful young woman, she really misses her brother.

I'll be graduating med school next month, just like we always talked about. Do you think I'll make a good doctor? Would I have been able to save your life that day?

I miss you. I miss us. I'd do anything to get you back.

Tell me honestly, do you still love me?

------

It's been ten years today.

Aunty and uncle haven't been feeling alright as of late. Avani has been healing, she wants to become an engineer. She says that she wants to do what her brother couldn't.

Everyone's been talking about my marriage lately. Never thought that I'd walk with someone else down the aisle.

It still hurts when I think of you. I'm still empty from within, as if a deep hollow space has been carved in.


At times, I kind of wish that I could've just frozen every moment that we had. I only wish that I could've held onto you a little longer. I miss the warmth in your hands, the brightness in your eyes, the maturity in your voice and the playfulness in your smile. I miss you, won't you come back to me, please?

If you're still listening, know that I still love you.


From,

The girl who'll always be yours.



Author: Amrita Pillai

Editor: Ananya Chaure


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