Dear Mom and Dad,
Hey. I don’t really know why I’m writing to you. You’re literally in the room right next to mine but I presume my inability to actually acknowledge and talk about my thoughts and feelings is the only thing keeping me from marching in there and talking to you for real. No matter how hard I try, I always chicken out just a few moments before I start the conversation. And it’s not your fault, it’s just the pathetic little weakling I am, I guess.
Since this is an apology letter, I better get to it. Wouldn’t want to waste your time with my stupid tantrums and drama now, would I? Anyway, let’s get straight to it. I’m sorry. I’m sorry I groan out loud whenever you stop whatever I’m doing at any time and tell me to go study. I’m sorry I spend most of my time in my room sulking and get angry whenever you tell me to come out. I’m sorry about all the times I’ve unexpectedly snapped at you mid conversation. I guess it’s just me letting out some of the bottled up stress I keep hidden from you, because the last thing I’d want to do is worry you.
I’m sorry I don’t study every day like you expect me to. I’m sorry I never score the marks that make you happy. No matter what I try, sometimes it seems like I’ll never be enough for you. Because you were always better. At my age, you never moped around with your headphones on 24/7. You always topped your class. You never had thoughts of cutting yourself and drowning your troubles in scotch at 3 am under the covers because you couldn’t sleep. You were flawless. You had absolutely EVERYTHING figured out for you. Now, I know you’d say I’m being ungrateful because you grew up with very little money, while I have everything I could possibly want. You’re right, I do have everything. But times change, and you never had to grow up in a world where everybody else around you was so perfect that everything you did just felt like a let down. You never had to go to bed thinking that you couldn’t do anything right.You never felt like a screw up. And sure, you could say that I’m being dramatic. Most people would probably agree with you because they’ve already established that I’m an attention seeking brat who fakes being upset just so people give me importance. Well, guess what? I have tried so hard to be you. I’m trying so hard to live up to your expectations. But I can’t. I’m not perfect. I never will be. 9/10 people will say I am, but we all know that my “perfect” and “confident” personality is just a front I put up to mask the truth. About myself. About what prevails in this messed up mind of mine.
Well, I just realised that this letter is far too long already and you’re probably questioning if this is still your child, so I should probably wrap it up. I’m sorry I never told you about the panic attacks that I sometimes have at 12 am (oops, probably shouldn’t have mentioned that). Anyway, I always see how proud you are of me and I wonder how long it will take for me to do something that disappoints you. I know you love me, and I hope you know that I love you more than anybody else in the world and your opinion means everything to me. But I know I won’t ever be the person you want me to be. I know I will fail you if I haven’t already. I guess I never will be the perfect daughter. And I’m sorry.
Your “best” girl.
Editor: Aastha More