You smelt like cold brew and raspberries. Eyes clear like a spring in the hills. Your face lit up my world like the sun and stars. Your words gave me goosebumps when they were said in hushed tones, carried by the warm air that left your throat. You made me smile like no one ever could. You were my best friend, my lover and my everything. But now you’re gone. I miss your touch and the way you called me yours. I’m hurting and I’m hurting so deeply because you’re dead now and I am all alone.
It’s 4 a.m, and I haven’t eaten in forty eight hours. I haven’t stopped crying ever since the hospital called me two nights ago.
There’s tequila in my lemonade and a pint of whiskey splashed out on our greasy marble floor. My specs are on the sofa and I’m in the bedroom. The dog has been fed but he is not happy.
The kitchen faucet is leaking and my hair dryer is broken. You promised me that you would fix it like you fixed me when you walked into my life, but now you’re gone now and none of this makes sense.
I don’t feel safe anymore, not like I used to with you. I want you to come back. I want to come to you and let you play with my hair and caress my thigh gently before you finally lean in for a kiss.
And so I will come to you. I will kill myself tomorrow and if there’s an afterlife, I want you to be my happily ever after. I know I want to and I can because I hurt so much and the only thing that will help is going numb and never coming back.
So tomorrow, I’ll shower and leave the dog at my mother’s house. I will tell her that I love her and ask her to call me if she needs anything because I’m always going to be there but eventually when I get back I will end myself, only to end up with you.
Author: Vedant Vaswani
Editor: Rhythm Pujara