Dear Adwita ,
When I was 7 years old, my sister always told me that the first sign of insanity is talking to yourself. I know, she’s a real gem, isn’t she? However, fast forward 7 years and here I am doing exactly that, and then airing it out for everyone to see. Now I won’t say that this isn’t unusual, it certainly is, but there’s something about talking to yourself from a 3rd person's point of view that’s so different and refreshing. Anyways, I’ve written this letter to apologise to you for lots of things I’ve done over the years.
I’d like to apologise to you (or to me?) for always being so tough on you. I’d like to apologise for setting such high expectations, only to bash you when you don’t reach them. I’d like to apologise for always forgetting what my body does for me, and instead spending hours finding the imperfections. I’d like to apologise for always being such a hothead and saying things I don’t mean in a fit of rage. I’d like to apologise for always comparing you and your body to other people, in real life and online. I’d like to apologise for constantly putting you down and telling you that you’re not good enough, pretty enough, smart enough, too many ‘enoughs’ to keep count. I’d like to apologise for constantly putting other people before you, and letting people walk over you. I’d like to apologise for always letting other people’s opinions define what I think of you. I’d definitely like to apologise for the lack of attention span I have; I think a goldfish would be better than me. I’d also like to apologise for the cringiness that sometimes is through the roof, as well as for calling everyone (including my mom and cricket players who can't hear me) ‘bestie’ and ‘bro’. Oh, and one last thing I’d like to apologise for (because my brain no longer functions enough to think anymore) is the terrible habit of eating my body weight in chocolate, and my unhealthy addiction to junk food.
I don’t think I understand how at the end of the day, you’re the one who’s going to be there for me through it all (well hopefully, seeing as we’re the same person). We need to learn and appreciate everything that you do for us, and stop with the self-hatred, it’s getting us nowhere. And yes, it’s ironic since I’m the one who's writing this, yet don’t seem to understand it myself, but I believe the first step to self-love is calling you out on your bullshit. Speaking of, please get started on your homework and stop procrastinating while watching Divergent for the 237894th time. I know Theo James is hot, but you know what will be even hotter? The water you’ll be in when you have 15 incomplete assignments.
Anyways I love you (well I’m trying to, you’re not really the nicest person) but remember everything I said next time you decide to go on another self-deprecating spree.
Your not so better half,
Author: Adwita Chaure
Editor: Achala Athreya